The past year of my life has probably been one of the most difficult years by far. Transitioning into a new career, new job, a new state, new city, new region, new culture ......
It was a transformative year without doubt. I remember leaving a patient's room and thinking "man I have to be an adult now, this is a for-real job... darn". I can say with certainty that my life will never be the same. I have learned valuable lessons and my heart has become increasingly burdened for justice, hope and freedom for God's people. It is joy in its purest form to serve my patients and the girls I mentor, but so often I have felt incredibly weighed down, tired... well actually exhausted. PA school was intense but I poured out all my energy academically but what is different is now I consistently am giving not only of my mind/thought but my heart/soul. I often don't feel like I have anything left to give to family or friends...
The past few weeks of my life have been especially hard. My heart literally ached for many different things. I felt a consistent temptation to throw in the towel. I wanted to "take a break" from mentoring, work part time and move to a nice comfortable loft apartment in downtown Charlotte (not that there is anything wrong with that, but it would be completely ignoring the specific calling God laid on my life). My life is so busy, I go, go, go.... I have to force myself to rest. Then when I'm resting.. I'm thinking of how to best manage my patient with emphysema or how to best reach this particular girl, or if I will see victory in sin in my life.... and on and on.
I read that quote from Mother Teresa and it encouraged me in the most incredible way. Loving until it hurts for the sake of more love. To JOYFULLY carry these burdens.
I see so much of God's grace in this past year and even week. Over the past 27 years He has equipped me to do the very thing I'm doing here. He has equipped my mind, heart, and entire being. He has provided some of the most God fearing precious friends to walk with. One of my best friends here is a champion encourager, she has been blessed with this gift and has subsequently encouraged me beyond belief with her words and prayers and yet another friend encourages me with her life, she runs after the Lord with passion and straight up fervor and shares similar burdens which is always sharpening and encouraging. I could write an entire blog post about the beautiful people I share life with actually... (maybe later) but by God's grace I have come to a place in the past day where I desire to turn these burdens to praise. I do it imperfectly as any of my coworkers could attest to as I grumbled about how tired I was at work today........ but what a joy and privilege it is to care for people of this neighborhood and to carry the burden with JOY and thankfulness.
I'll end with lyrics to one of my new favorite songs by Pat Little Band called Jesus, I Lift My Eyes (based on Psalm 17)
Hear O Lord my righteous plea
Listen to my cry
Give ear to my prayer
For it comes
Desperately
In desperate need I come to You
You're my rock
and my strength
Jesus I lift my eyes to the heavens
Where does my help come from
You O my Lord
My heart has a thousand words to say
Please Lord turn burdens into praise
And I in righteousness
I will see Your face
And when I awake
I will be
Satisfied
Satisfied in You
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